


Redamancy

by narumei



Series: Chigiri (契り) [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attraction, Bottom Ushijima Wakatoshi, Dom Satori, Dom/sub Undertones, Drunk Sex, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, M/M, Making Out, Model Semi Eita, Model Tendou Satori, Pining, Post-Graduation, Pro Volleyball Player Ushijima Wakatoshi, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Suffering, Temporarily Unrequited Love, blame it on the fanarts ok, it gave me too much ideas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:40:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23241871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narumei/pseuds/narumei
Summary: Ushijima was precious, he was dear; very dear. And Tendou didn't want to be selfish, to be greedy. He wanted to see Ushijima shine, bright and marvelously. As much as Tendou would like to keep his dearest things to himself; this one is different. Ushijima had been someone—everyone must see.Like the cageless bird he was, everyone had so much expectations from him. Powerful and unbreakable, high and untouchable—yet everyone still expected so much. It was cruel, challenging even. But it was the truth. Ushijima Wakatoshi was meant for the world.*Or in which, Tendou’s heart is breaking apart and it’s all Ushijima’s fault.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Shirabu Kenjirou, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: Chigiri (契り) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671577
Comments: 36
Kudos: 118





	1. Chapter 1

Ushijima Wakatoshi is the epitome of perfection.

Narrow, intelligent gaze; he flashed a critical expression. Lips shut tight, jumping with full power as he swung his hand; hard flesh touching base with the volleyball. The sound of a smooth leather being punctured away. Tendou whistled watching the scene unfold before him. He saw the horrific look on Kawanishi's face for a moment when he tried to block that godly serve.

Tendou had known it from the start. Ushijima Wakatoshi wasn't something, someone he could hold on to; for himself. The moment he caught Tendou's glances under that dim gymnasium lights—he had known right there and then—Ushijima had cruelly indicated that he wasn't just someone Tendou could easily take away.

Ushijima was precious, he was dear; very dear. And Tendou didn't want to be selfish, to be greedy. He wanted to see Ushijima shine, bright and marvelously. As much as Tendou would like to keep his dearest things to himself; this one is different. Ushijima had been someone—everyone must see.

Like the cageless bird he was, everyone had so much expectations from him. Powerful and unbreakable, high and untouchable—yet everyone still expected so much. It was cruel, challenging even. But it was the truth. Ushijima Wakatoshi was meant for the world.

Sometimes it ached Tendou's heart. Even right at this moment, as he watched every drop of sweats sliding down Ushijima's forehead, the heating cheeks, eyebrows knitted as he focused on the ball. Tendou tried not to smile in a wicked way when he saw Kawanishi and Yamagata having a hard time handling those hits and serves.

Ushijima huffed, eyes downcast, steady posture, perfectly composed. Sweats started disappearing from his neck into his shirt, soaking his sculptured muscles perfectly. Tendou licked his lips, _how sexy_. He could hear some of the college students gasping at the sight, nearly earning a chuckle from him. Tendou was used to this; and had always been trying his best withstanding his lust at bay.

Tendou bit on the cap of his water bottle. Every time his eyes caught Ushijima in that state—it had awaken, stirred something within Tendou's soul and mind; his sadistic instinct began to kick in. He wanted to push Ushijima over the edge; until the man could hardly breathe. He wanted to cage Ushijima under him so he could ruin him as much as he wanted–

_Fuck._

"Hey Tendou, you okay there?" Semi's voice was clear like a daylight.

_No._ "Why wouldn't I be~?" He smirked, tone sounding as foxy as ever. Semi lifted an eyebrow at him, wondering whether Tendou was actually alright or not. Cause seriously, he could never understand nor read what exactly was in this guy's mind.

Semi sighed, giving up on his thoughts. "Then stop staring at Wakatoshi like that. Goshiki is right there you know,"

Tendou cocked his eyes in interest. "Like what?"

"Like you're about to eat him alive." Semi said, voice slurring. He was probably trying to joke around.

_Tendou didn't want to deny it though._

* * *

Despite having a reputation as a man of few words, Ushijima Wakatoshi was someone who picked up on so many things. Despite how stoic he seemed, he was someone who often and very willingly in listening to Tendou's chatters; his responses were blunt and simple. But even then, when he hadn't taken a grasp of the whole conversation, nor he understood what was being said; Ushijima had always tried his best to listen attentively.

It was extremely endearing.

Tendou never minded the quick, flat responses he always got from Ushijima. Just the fact that Tendou had Ushijima's full attention already joyful enough for him.

"I think I'm gonna help them clean up, kinda feeling bad for them." Tendou had snickered. Kawanishi nearly choked on his water when he heard that, both Reon and Semi shared that familiar look whenever they heard Tendou said one of his incredibly awful jokes.

"Uhm, you?" Reon questioned. Semi's eyebrows arched, lining perfectly with one and another; and Kawanishi was staring at Tendou like he was some type of madman.

"I think you guys should help too," Tendou grinned.

"Tendou-san, I think you have practiced way too hard today." Kawanishi said, sarcasm was underlining his words.

Tendou chuckled, still keeping his eyes focused on Ushijima—who was then talking with Goshiki. Shirabu was there beside them, dragging the net on his hands.

"It's getting late, and I'd feel bad to leave Wakatoshi-kun alone with Tsutomu and Kenjirou."

Kawanishi was in bewilderment whilst the other two Shiratorizawa players exchanged a look with one and another (once again). Tendou watched as Shirabu began throwing some glances at Goshiki, his face softened every time he saw the first year flashing that giggly look whenever he got a compliment from Ushijima. It seemed like Goshiki had already opened a path into Shirabu's heart (using his own undeniably cute charm).

"Didn't you just say a few hours ago that _you_ hate cleaning up?" Kawanishi, once again, stated. "Also, instead of helping Shirabu and Goshiki, why don't you just go and drag Ushijima-san back to the cafeteria? Plus, it was me who supposedly help them."

"Now, now Taichi," Tendou wrapped his arm around the said male's shoulder. "When a senpai has offered you their kindness—you have no choice but to accept them. And don't you dare be a hypocrite, you think I didn't hear you say, something along the lines, _'I'm too exhausted to clean this shit up'_?" Tendou showed a crooked smile.

Kawanishi quietly winced at the last emphasized words. Feeling the murderous glare on the back of his head (it was Semi), he was sure this time he couldn't escape. "Was that true, Kawanishi?" Semi asked with a faux smile.

The second year immediately turned his head, "I'm sorry Semi-senpai, but it's true, as you can see- I'm very tired right now!" Kawanishi tried defending himself.

And as the two continued arguing with one and another, Tendou began fixing his gaze back toward Ushijima this time.

The man was walking around, grabbing some of the unsealed bottles; focused and quiet. His fringe kept swaying back and forth as he continued doing his work. Eyes downcast and somehow unbothered. Tendou could never get tired of watching him. It might not look like it, but Tendou could see that Ushijima was enjoying his moments. Though Tendou had never exactly understood it, _what was so exciting about cleaning the gymnasium?_ He tried asking himself for several times. Tendou could see Goshiki running around, kicking the balls in the air, which then of course earned him a yell from Shirabu as he was the one picking them up.

Ushijima was startled when a ball hitting one of the bottles in front of him, that made Goshiki shrieked in surprise, he ran up to Ushijima (almost too immediately) to apologize, _repeatedly_. Tendou nearly snorted when he saw Shirabu facepalming at their direction (more specifically toward Goshiki). Ushijima nodded his head, probably ensuring Goshiki that it was alright.

"Why are you all still here?" Suddenly Yamagata appeared from the door. "The coach is waiting for you guys. It's almost time for dinner."

Ushijima then turned to look at Goshiki and Shirabu, "I think you two should go."

"What? But Ushijima-san—"

"You hear him, right? You two should get going now!" Tendou shouted from the side of the court with the others standing by his side. "Reon, Eita, why don't you two go and bring Taichi along? Seriously, he better not miss his dinner this time."

"Then Tendou, what about you?"

"I'll stay here and help Wakatoshi-kun with the cleaning, you guys should get going now." Tendou said without looking back at Reon as he continued walking toward Ushijima.

The ace gave him a tender look, which nearly made Tendou felt like he was about to have a heart attack. He could hear Semi laughing in an amused tone.

"I'm sure you two are hungry, so just let me and Tendou take care of the rest, okay?" Ushijima spoke, staring at his two underclassmen.

It was his words. The sounds of his voice, it was so soft and endearing. _How can you not fall for this man?_ Yes, maybe he barely smiled. Yes, maybe he had difficulty in showing his true emotions. But with the way his words always sounded so ensuring and candid; with the way his tender eyes always successfully pull you under his spell— _how_ , how can you not fall into such an adoration for this man?

Ushijima was beautiful in every way possible. He was enchanting, alluring.

And Tendou would do anything for this man; to protect everything that he was.

It seemed like Shirabu had noticed something; at the way Tendou had been staring at Ushijima, cause the next thing he did is saying, "Alright, let's go now, Goshiki. Let's not bother Ushijima-san and Tendou-san any longer." He said as he began dragging the first year along with him. They all could hear the little whines coming out from Goshiki's lips as he tried to push Shirabu's hand away from him.

_How thoughtful_ , Tendou snickered.

* * *

"Hey, Wakatoshi-kun," Tendou had called. Face bright and full of adoration, he stared longingly at the man before him. Ushijima hummed in response, continuing his work; as he was still trying to pick some of the volleyballs on the ground.

"Why do you love cleaning these stuff so much?" Tendou asked, chin against the tip of a broom. "We had done this a lot, in the first year especially, yet you still doing it?" _Why?_

"I think it's nice." Ushijima began. "It's calming, in a sense."

"Cleaning relaxes your soul?"

"I guess you could put it in that way," The man nodded.

Tendou smiled at him.

He remembered the first time he saw Ushijima cleaning out the gym all by himself in their first year. The same sharp eyes that had intimidated many people, the same cold demeanor that had many people misunderstood his personality. Those people wouldn't know; how endearing, how warm, and how sweet Ushijima actually was. The world would only always see him as _The Super Ace_.

But Tendou knew more than that, their teammates knew more than that. Ushijima was precious, he had always been.

"Tendou, aren't you hungry?" Ushijima asked, voice full with concern.

_Please, don't look at me like that._

Tendou was trying his best not to combust, he forced himself to breathe. Staring at Ushijima with a tender look.

Because now he was alone, alone with Ushijima. And Semi would definitely kill him if he tried to do something stupid. But of course, Tendou knew better than that. All he wanted right now, was just to stay right beside Ushijima. He wanted to be near the ace, protecting him at all costs, in and outside of the court.

His heart ached, badly. Wanting more, needing more.

But Tendou was a patient man.

_So it's okay._

"Well, maybe a little bit," Tendou chuckled, "But there's no way I would want to leave you here all by yourself, Wakatoshi-kun~"

He moved to untangle the other net.

"Wait, Tendou–"

Suddenly, Ushijima was standing beside him, his hand touching against Tendou's– _and fuck, fuck, fuck_. Tendou bit his tongue, trying to calm himself. Tendou leered at Ushijima's face; _too close_. The man had a stoic look, as usual. His eyes were already fixed at the net in front of him, he pulled Tendou's hand away— _but fuck, why is he still holding it?!_

"Be careful Tendou, you might end up tangling your hand too. Here, I'll remove it for you." Ushijima flashed a small smile at Tendou, finally letting go of his hand. The middle blocker was a sweating mess, he could hear his heartbeat popping. Tendou tried forcing himself to breathe, staring at Ushijima's hand; at his movements while unknotting the net.

Tendou huffed.

"Wakatoshi, move. I'll do it!" He said, voice sounding childish. _Fuck, why is he like this?_

And Ushijima halted, turning his head to look back at Tendou.

"Are you sure?"

Tendou nodded, approaching from across, emboldened himself before he reached and slowly began untangling the net; hands were touching with Ushijima's. They were face to face now. Tendou swallowed his spit, trying to calm himself down. Ushijima was staring at him from the other side, he looked astounded, eyes big and lips parted slightly.

"Tendou,"

Ushijima called for his name. Warm breath hitting the base of his cheekbones, _and fuck_ , Tendou was trying so hard not to get distracted. But how could he when Ushijima was literally standing in front of him?!

"Wakatoshi-kun, stay focused." Tendou mentally slapped himself.

"Ah, sorry," Ushijima spoke, sounding flustered. And damn if it wasn't the cutest thing ever.

Tendou tried to play it cool. "Wakatoshi, I think you're the one tangling your hands now." He smirked. "If you continue moving your hands like that, you might end up losing one or two of your elegant fingers. And I'm sure you don't want that, do you?" Tendou wiggled his eyebrows in a teasing way.

"No," Ushijima replied, fast and flat.

"Good," Tendou nodded, showing a boyish grin. "Cause I don't want ya to lose them either."

He was trying so, so hard not forgetting _to breathe_.

* * *

_"Tendou,"_

The way his name rolled out from Ushijima's lips; it was blissful. One word, one name. Somehow it all felt so affectionate; the way it slipped so perfectly—it was so clear. And Tendou couldn't help but to smile at the thought. It was so warm, so tender; and Tendou would be damned not to cherish every single of the syllable (even though it was only his surname).

Fuck, he really was getting crazy.

Tendou still remembered it all, the flustered expression Ushijima had shown him; _damn it, it was perfect_.

Being a patient man is really hard. Really, really hard.

Tendou wanted to do it; to push the man around. Under him, clenching tight. That flustered expression would look even more wonderful when he was breathless. Tendou wanted to tease him more, he wanted to bully him more.

"Tendou, why are you glaring at yourself?"

Semi approached the man (Tendou had been glaring at his reflection in the mirror for at least fifteen minutes now). "Is there something wrong?" He asked, lending a new towel.

"Yes. Everything is wrong with me, Eita." Tendou stated, voice sounding more serious.

_My heart is breaking apart but somehow it's the best feeling ever._


	2. Chapter 2

They knew him as someone sardonic, beatific, eccentric. They're people, they're the crowd, and sometimes they're the juries. But most importantly, they're the society. They speak like they want to solidify, to form—lining up the dots as they please. They would call you a fool just because your rank dropped once, they would call you a lonewolf just because you didn't hang out with the other big crowds; and they act as if they knew you better than you knew yourself. 

Like a warning call, they suddenly held on to you when they needed you the most. How pathetic, how deplorable. They continued praising you, mayhap worshipping you; with those moronic, shabby phrases.

They spoke as if they had accomplished something, like it had been something good, like it was entitled to them. And they seek, they needed, they wanted—the things that weren't supposed to be theirs; like the poor who wanted to try a single glass of a high quality wine. It wasn't possible, it wasn't authentic, _it was hopeless_.

And there's nothing you can do about it.

It was evident, the world needed to accept—they needed a wake up call. And Tendou wouldn't ever understand it. How could they spoke so care-freely? How could they act as if they own the world? ; Who were they to judge? Who were they to be so self-centered?

The society, it was terrifying. They were all so terrifying.

"Tendou-kun, I like you!"

Said an orotund voice.

Tendou's eyes blinked abruptly as he glimpsing at the girl right before him. She was extremely attractive. Cherry lips, groovy hair cut (it was long and pretty), round eyes, petite body, and that sweet-girly aura.

It wasn't the first time for Tendou to hear a confession like this. So forward, but so foolish. He slanted his eyebrows, puckering his lips, eyes opening half way in a lazy manner. It had been obvious, he was not interested.

"I like you, _Satori_ -kun."

_Fuck. It sounded so ugly._

Tendou nearly sneered; his eyes were fully open then, one eyebrow arching as he continued staring at the girl.

He felt insulted for unknown reason.

It was dirty, awful, unbearable.

Yet her eyes were still beaming. How– _how could someone be this naive?_ It was uncomfortable, it was too much. And the fact she had that hopeful expression, _god_ , Tendou just wanna scram away.

"Maeda-chan, right?" Tendou showed a cryptic smile.

_Toshi. Wakatoshi._

Tendou wanted to see Ushijima as quick as possible.

"Yes?"

And there it was; that coy, sheepish look.

_Stop._

_It's disgusting._

_Please, stop._

Tendou looked vacant. His eyes underlining his hatred, his lips parted in unamused way. Blank. It seemed so blank.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be with you." He said with a faux smile.

And it almost seemed like she wasn't prepared at all; the rejection. Her nose started to wrinkle in a way, grimacing as she chewed on her bottom lip. Disappointment was layering in her eyes.

Tendou was trying his best to hold it in; he didn't want to bluntly mock and laugh at her. It was already bad enough with that sorrowful expression. Like honestly, who did she think she was? Other than her reputation as the cheerleader of their school, she was nothing. She was a nobody to Tendou.

And this was exactly the problem with society. They hear what they want to hear; they believe what they wanna believe. And for this case, this girl believed that Tendou would accept her confession; she trusted her own guts way too much.

"Why?" She had asked, so desperately.

"Because I don't like you."

Flat, forward, there was no exuberance in his voice. It almost felt like he was trying to mimic Ushijima's mannerism.

"But why? Am I not pretty enough?" She said, glaring.

Tendou rolled his eyes, "It's not about whether you're pretty or not. I just don't like you," _don't you get it?_

"Well, we can get to know each other–"

"No." Tendou's face turning solemn.

_You're not him._

"But why?" She repeated that word again.

"Do I need a reason to turn you down?" He replied, voice bitter as ever.

_Why should I tell you?_

_To me,_

_You're just a nobody._

* * *

Tendou halted, eyes blinking in realization. Acutely turned his gaze over the window. A loud thunderstorm was striking down as the sky unrelentingly pouring the stream of rain.

It started pounding against the glass window; a calming rhythmic tempo instantly echoed through Tendou's ears. The sky was turning gloomy, but somehow it looked alright– it wasn't so bad. Tendou stood contently, with an odd dullness within him.

"Tendou,"

A voice called.

_[And his heart ached in an unexpected way]_

Tendou grinned, "Wakatoshi-kun! I have been looking for you!"

"Sorry, I was hungry," He spoke truthfully, almost sounding like a sweet child. "Here, I bought something for you too." Ushijima pushed a bag of chips and a can of soda toward Tendou's direction; brows relaxed, as his eyes opened in a pleasing way.

That expression always managed to make Tendou feel bad for having those type of fantasy inside his mind— _god, Toshi, stop being so pure. You're killing me._

"How caring of you, Wakatoshi." Tendou acted as if he nearly swooned. "Do you wanna go back to class? Or do you wanna go to the dorms now?"

"There are still some stuff I'm trying to review before the upcoming examinations." Ushijima replied, starting to walk back toward his classroom.

"Alright then!" Tendou exclaimed

Same routine, same places. His feet stomping excitedly; sometimes he walked beside Ushijima, sometimes he was behind him, sometimes even in front of him. Everything was the same. There were whispers and chanters going around about the current most popular show on tv, then there some people who continued glancing at Tendou and Ushijima; eyes full of interest and excitement.

Ushijima never really noticed them because of his aloof nature. But it had always been obvious; it was a renowned fact that everyone in this school, regardless of their genders or sexual orientation, had a thing going on with Ushijima. Whether it was merely an admiration for the super ace, or a tiny crush for the charming lad; it was evident that Ushijima had attracted so many people.

"Woah, you two are still studying?"

Yamagata suddenly appeared with a bag over his head.

"Yes, because I do not want to fail this examinations." Ushijima declared.

"But Wakatoshi, you have never failed." Yamagata said, curling his lips into a smile.

"Well, one can not be so sure about it," Tendou teased, shrugging his hands in a comedic way. "Isn't that right, Wakatoshi-kun?"

Ushijima nodded before sliding open the classroom, "Please excuse us," He spoke at Yamagata as he began walking in.

Tendou snickered, about to follow him inside; that is, until Yamagata decided to headlock him out of nowhere; immediately earning a strained groan from the red head. "Wait– Hayato, what the hell are you doing?!"

Yamagata only laughed in return, "Seriously, when are you two gonna start dating?" He emphasized like it was the most entertaining thing in this world. His head cocked to the side, partially opening his lips. And Tendou glanced at him like he was out of his mind.

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you gonna confess?" Yamagata managed a pout. "Don't you like him?"

_Don't you like him? – Like him? Like him? Like him?_

_Don't you like Wakatoshi?_

Those words were playing over and over inside Tendou's mind, like a broken record; it was resonating. He could feel his own heartbeat, shaking with fear and excitement. Those words continued echoing within his soul, his whole being.

"Tendou, man, are you okay?" Tendou didn't even realize that Yamagata was staring closely to him. "Did I hurt you that bad?" _No. It's not you_. Tendou woke up from his reverie, staring at his friend with a warm look.

"I do like him, after all- Wakatoshi-kun is my best friend!" Tendou flashed a broad smile.

"Huh?" Yamagata chuckled nervously. "That's not what I meant."

_I know._

_So please,_

_Please shut up._

_[It already hurt this much]_

"You know what? Never mind, I'll talk with you later!" Yamagata said, stealing the bag of chips; but Tendou could hear it, loud and clear, there was a thin line of worriness within those words.

Tendou didn't mention it, he only nodded his head, as he turned to walk inside the classroom; but then he heard a vivid 'Will they be alright? Should I tell Eita about this?' and it nearly made Tendou laugh in the most gleeful way.

"Tendou, I have been waiting for you. Did something happen between you and Yamagata?"

Tendou nearly dropped the can of soda, his heart ached— _again_. Ushijima was staring at him with his eyes halfway opened. Hair carefully swayed as the cold breeze continued flowing. Tendou parted his lips unknowingly, both of his cheeks were starting to burn. Ushijima tilted his head more, brushing against his desk as he looked at Tendou with a frown. His expression felt so cat-like.

_Calm down heart, calm down._

Tendou tried to tell himself.

"I don't think I know the answer to this equation." Ushijima spoke in a timorous tone.

And Tendou had hoped, hoped that he wasn't a coward.

"Is that so?" He asked, quickly approaching the man."Which one?"

Ushijima grabbed Tendou's hand, it was so sudden that he nearly fell against Ushijima's side; but thank god this wasn't something unusual. Tendou instantly dragged a chair to sit beside Ushijima, both of their shoulders touching as the latter continued leaning closer.

_Why god has to be so cruel to him?_ ; Tendou had thought as he tried his best to calm down.

"This one," Ushijima stated, pointing his finger at his notebook.

Tendou blinked his eyes, face upward as he screamed internally. Ushijima was trying to say something more to him, but somehow those words couldn't seem to pass Tendou's ears at all. The latter was nervous as hell, from this angle; he could perfectly see and touch Ushijima's nape.

It looked almost glistening, that sweet caramel looking-like skin. It looked so clear, so smooth, so flawless. It would be nice to leave a mark there—to leave a trace, with his mouth, teeth, and _maybe_ hands.

Tendou's face turned dark and intense, jaw clenching as he swallowed hard on his own spit. This was getting too dangerous.

"Ushijima-san! Dodge!"

Like a clicking switch, Tendou rashly pushed Ushijima against the wall beside him; face turning hard as he lowered himself and stumble– falling onto Ushijima's frame; he could see the man widening his eyes almost too immediately as soon as Tendou reached over his shoulder blades.

Tendou huffed rather calmly, turning his head to look upon the tennis ball that was rolling down. He gave an icy glare at one of the suspects who had thrown that.

The student flinched as his two other friends continuously apologizing for him.

Tendou finally stood up, his uniform was fully in disarray; he bent down to grab on the ball. "What the fuck are you guys even doing?! Go home already! And if you live in the dorms, just go back to the dorm!" He scolded, hurling the ball out of his hand.

And just like that; the three students finally scram away.

"Wakatoshi, are you alright? Thank god it didn't hit your face." Tendou pulled Ushijima's arm, fixing him back steadily. The latter was still proceeding his thoughts.

"Ah, I'm sorry," He spoke, voice soft and somewhat apologetic.

"No, no! You know it wasn't your fault!"

Ushijima nodded, "But because of me, you nearly hurt yourself." He curled his lips into a frown, eyes clear with sadness and worry.

"Now, now, don't be like that!" Tendou stood to pat on both of his shoulders. "I felt like if I didn't do anything immediately, something from your feature would be damaged." _And I would kill them if that had happened._

Ushijima continued to frown, it was extremely obvious that he felt bad.

Tendou sighed, _he wanted to comfort him_.

As he was not thinking clearly anymore; Tendou started circling his hands around Ushijima's neck—pulling the latter close, meeting with his shoulder. Tendou hummed, _it's alright_. He tried telling himself. _This is alright_. Tendou smiled more tenderly, feeling Ushijima's warmth against him.

"It's okay, you know." Tendou said, voice above a whisper. "You can always depend on me. Whether it is inside the court, or outside the court. I'll always be there for you."

"Even though you won't play volleyball anymore in the future?" Ushijima spoke, bluntly. Earning a laugh from the former.

Tendou lowered his face, cheekbones touching against the smooth, fragrant hair. "Right." He responded cheekily.

Ushijima let out a soft chuckle.

_Yeah, that's right._

One day Tendou had to let go of him.

And it would hurt. It would really hurt.

Because this was all there is; nothing more, nothing less. They continued their friendship, they were the best of friends.

And Tendou never ran after him; all he ever had done was watching Ushijima—sometimes from afar, sometimes near. His crimson eyes would always find its way; to observe, to scan, to get the best view. Clear, vivid, nebulous, distinct—whatever case you would like to put it.

Then several times, Ushijima would stare back at him. His sharp, stoic; welcoming, warm eyes. Tendou would always let himself fall, fall, and fall; over and over like a mantra; just to see that charming, radiant orbs.

_Hey, Wakatoshi._

Tendou slowly closing his eyes shut.

_Are you happy?_

Tendou smiled, tightening his arms around the other's neck.

_Are you happy to be my friend?_

"Tendou," He said, turning his head to look at Tendou.

"Yes?" Tendou replied, with a cheeky tone.

"The equation," Ushijima reminded. "Can you help me solve it?"

Ruffling the black hair, because Tendou knew it would drive himself wild. He smiled more sincerely this time. "Of course!"

_Ushijima Wakatoshi, I have been enjoying every seconds of my heart being broken by you._

_Thank you,_

_For always being there for me._

_I love you._

* * *

It was one of those nights, when his brain and mind were wide awake, restless; and Tendou would snuck into the kitchen just past midnight, maybe around three am, leaving the door of his dorm wide open (Eita will kill him); unrelentingly searching for his favorite midnight snacks—‘cause the best thing about prestigious school like Shiratorizawa is that they have a lot of good, delicious food. The kitchen staff (who had woken up early) were unfazed when they saw Tendou barged in the kitchen like he owned the area; they only greeted him for a moment before going back to prepare some things.

What he didn’t expect was to meet eyes to eyes with a confused Shirabu on his way back to the dormitory.

“Kenjirou? What are you doing here?”

“Isn’t that supposed to be my question?”

It was too random; suddenly meeting him here, at this time of day, at this time of place. Tendou shrugged in a funny way as he about to go back inside his dorm–

–that is, until Shirabu decided to get a hold on his sleeve.

“Wait, can we talk?” The younger said, more serious.

That made Tendou cocked his head with full interest, lifting his eyebrow curiously at the male. “Sure, what do you wanna talk about?”

When he said that, he wasn’t expecting to be dragged in the gymnasium. Curiousness turning into bewilderment. Tendou continued staring at his underclassman; The older grimaced lopsidedly, squinting his eyes for a moment.

Shirabu un-tugged his hand away, turning to look at Tendou with a serious face.

“I like him.”

Tendou blinked, feeling even more puzzled.

“Kenjirou, it’s nearly four a.m., can you please be more specific–”

“It’s Goshiki!” Shirabu declared. “I like him! I like Goshiki!”

_Ah.._

It almost felt like everything had fallen back into the right places.

But then, another unexpected thing happened,

Shirabu grabbed onto Tendou’s hands. His breath sounding tight, and it looked like he was trying so hard to keep the tears from spilling down his feature. Tendou widened his eyes, mouth agape as he continued staring at the disheartening expression. Shirabu opened and closed his mouth a like a fish stuck in an island. He looked dying, _he was dying_.

“It hurts.” Shirabu said, tears finally slipping away. “It aches to the core.”

A weak wracked sob came out from his lips.

“I feel like an idiot, Tendou-san,”

Tendou let out a soft sigh, rubbing against the tears; which only continued falling faster.

“Kenjirou,”

The younger looked so broken. His brows were pinched, mouth curled down; making him looked even sadder, and his eyes—so painful. Tendou huffed, one arm pulling him tight as the other hand began to stroke through Shirabu’s hair.

“Hey, it’s alright. You aren’t an idiot.”

“Yes I am!” Shirabu spoke near Tendou’s ear. “Love had made me feel like I’m an idiot!”

_Tendou couldn’t argue with that._

“It’s because I don’t want to give up on him! Even if I knew he might likes somebody else,” Shirabu chewed on his lip. “I still want to try—but fuck, Tendou-san, it hurts so much.”

_Yes._

_Yes, it does._

“What should I do?” Shirabu questioned, sniffling his nose.

_Well, do you want any regret?_

“Confess to him.” Tendou said, blunt and paining.

_Because I don’t want you to feel any regret._

_At least not like I do._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There probably going to be a lot of spelling errors (or errors in general) because I made this at the start of 1 am and now it's already 3 am, so yeah (gdi I have an online class today) :'> I'm sorry for the inconveniences!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it~!

_To call Ushijima plain would be inaccurate._

_The sun reflecting through the neat, spotless surface; Ushijima stomped his feet behind the white line, eyes fixed on the volleyball on his hand. Steady, elegant, and seemed quite rigid; he jumped from the surface—slamming the ball in midair._

_To say Ushijima was beautiful was a huge understatement._

_Like a painting of a greek god, perhaps even more alluring than that. Art, painstakingly drawn from blood, sweats, and passion. Blowing the ashray, he was beaming with the rays of sunlight. Mesmerizing, captivating; like a million dollar art. He was a masterpiece that was made by the realization of a mix divine and ambition. And with its greatness, like a blazing intercolor brushing over the empty canvas, like a fire no one can put out; he was magic, so hypnotizing. He was the indefinite beauty. He was phenomenal. He was the perfect design on full display. And everyone had desired him._

_Ushijima Wakatoshi was gorgeous beyond words and comprehension._

"Tendou, this is merely an opinion of mine, but I think you should let your hair down more often." Semi spoke up, Tendou shrilled as his head landing against the front of his desk.

"Eita, you shouldn't surprise me like that!" Tendou exclaimed, staring at his friend with a frown.

Semi ignored him and continued with his words, "You look hotter this way."

Tendou tilted his head, mouthing a deep 'Huh?' as he continued being puzzled. It's true that some people had commented about it, especially after he washed up, some of his teammates would come to him just to say that he looked more attractive in this style.

Semi shrugged, "I'm just voicing out my opinion."

Tendou lifted his eyebrow, lips curled into a mystique smile. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Well," Semi cleared his throat. "I've been thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"You and I are applying on the same university, yeah?"

"So?"

"You know, that university is quite pricey,"

"Eita, you're rich. Why are you worrying about money of all things?" Tendou chuckled. "And actually, I'm rich too. I can apply at any university I want."

Semi looked infuriated. "Look, just because I came from a rich family, doesn't mean I don't want to be independent okay? I'd feel bad if I decided to always rely on my parents for money."

Tendou snorted, "And? What's that have to do anything with me anyway?"

"Well, it's because I have been thinking to work–" Semi paused. "—at your dad's company."

And like a dazing wind, Tendou stood up on his feet; face full of terror.

"I'm planning to work as one of the models there. And I've wondered, whether you want to join me or not. I mean, you aren't that bad looking yourself—maybe a little wild, and need more touch up, yes." Semi kept nodding his head. "But this _normal_ hairstyle of yours maybe look more than qualified."

Tendou started laughing at him, "Eita, have you finally lost your mind?"

"Just think about it," Semi said, pursing his lips. "Plus, I thought you like being the center of attention? You know, by doing this work, you can get more popularity."

"Eita, even without that I'm already popular enough right now." Tendou wiggled his eyebrows in a teasing way.

Semi rolled his eyes. "No, dumbass. I meant as industry-wise."

"Why would I wanna be popular in _that_ industry?" Tendou sneered.

"Why are you saying it like it's a bad thing? The world would know you more easily if you become popular in this industry. Just think about it."

"Why should I care?" Tendou said with a frown. He really didn't want to work for his father; the thought of it already made his skin crawl.

"Don't you want Wakatoshi to see?"

Tendou could feel himself tensed at the sound of that name.

"What?"

Semi sighed, scrunched his nose. "Wakatoshi is planning to go pro in volleyball, and this time, we won't be there for him—at least not in the court." He smiled wryly. "All of us have chosen a path. But one thing for sure...Tendou, I don't want you to give up on him just yet." He held the red hair's shoulder.

Tendou curved his eyebrows, wrinkles across his forehead. He stared at Semi for a moment, still registering the latter's words. His eyes kept on blinking. "I don't understand," _Why are you saying this?_

Semi smiled with sincere, his eyes were sparkling. "You two are good for each other." He simply put.

_Are we really?_ Tendou wanted to sneer, though he only managed a small smile at Semi.

"This time," Semi poked his shoulder. "Try to make him look your way."

"I don't think that–"

"I mean c'mon, we're all best friends at some point, there's no way Wakatoshi wouldn't be curious about our whereabouts." Semi smirked. "You know what I mean, right?"

Tendou ended up nodding his head, the truth though; he was actually confused as hell.

* * *

When Tendou looked at the moon, it reminded him of Ushijima.

Gleaming, mystique, and irreplaceable; the moon belonged to the universe, the celestial, the earth. It had its own beauty and darkness; landscape and maybe horizon. It never made you feel lonely, the moon was there—hanging above your head, illuminating against the nightfall as soon as possible. Like a faithful friend, a trusting being.

But sometimes it felt like a disappointment. Because we could have something more than just a dark, night sky. We could have something more beautiful, something more fascinating. We could have something _more special_.

"Wow, Wakatoshi-kun, you're really good at English." Tendou showed a broad smile. And no, it wasn't as if like he's bad at this particular subject or even failing at it, in all honesty; Tendou just wanted to have Ushijima as his tutor (at least for a little while).

Ushijima's voice was deep and monotonous as usual, but Tendou had known him more than enough to understand his friend's good intention. The man would always turn to check on Tendou, asking whether he understood it or not. And kept telling him that it was alright if he hadn't actually grasp the meaning of the word; cause the end of the day, they were all still learning. But then here's the thing, Tendou actually understood everything that had been explained, and since he didn't want to make it too obvious, sometimes Tendou would questioned about the most random word toward Ushijima.

The two would always shared glances at each other as Tendou tried to write and list all the minimal stuff he had learned. After that, they would practice it while speaking in English with one and another. Ushijima had always been strict with the way English's words were pronounced, so of course he expected Tendou to perfect it as well (at least as best as he could).

Then Ushijima would lean over Tendou's shoulder to add more things on the latter's paper, and the red head would always thanked him with a few teasing words. When the study session had come to an end, Tendou pulled out another of his shonen manga—perhaps a new one, as he began to enthusiastically talk about it. Ushijima would then respond with a 'Oh, is that so?' or 'I see.', though despite not actually being able to understand any of the things that was said, Ushijima never did once interrupt Tendou when he's talking (unless when he's really curious about it, like he would actually ask 'Who's that character?' or 'What's the name of the protagonist?' which of course happened in a very rare occasions).

"To be honest, I think your English is fine, Tendou." Ushijima suddenly stated, while turning the pages of the book.

"Ah, you think so?" Tendou spoke with a faux anxious tone. "Probably because you have tutored me a lot."

"I heard you and Semi are applying on the same college." Ushijima said, eyes still focused on the panels. "Which major are you applying for?"

"Economics! I'm planning to learn new things, Wakatoshi-kun!" Tendou sniggered as he moved closer, touching the other's shoulder. "Maybe you'd do the same someday!"

"No," Ushijima turned. "I love volleyball."

_So forward, so honest._

_You really are something else, Wakatoshi-kun._

"Hey, I was just joking!" Tendou tried lightening up. "Don't need to take it seriously. If volleyball is your happiness, then you should continue doing it!"

And suddenly he saw the sparks on Ushijima's orbs.

_How magnificent._

"You too, Tendou." He finally smiled, tender and earnest. "I hope you'll find your own happiness."

_And that nearly made Tendou burst._

* * *

Tendou tossed his bag to the middle of his desk, and flopped onto his back. "Why is he have to be so fucking cute?! I thought I was gonna die!"

Semi sighed, closing his book as he leaned back against the bedpost. "Didn't you just say he looked really hot the other day? Be consistent, is Wakatoshi cute or hot?"

"Both!" Tendou yelled, rolling his body around. "Sometimes he looked really hot, and there were times when I wanted to fuck him into oblivion. But then there were other times when he's really really cute, making me all giddy and warm inside, it felt funny!"

"Ah," Semi chuckled softly. "Young love."

"Why are you saying it like that, Eita-kun? You sounded exactly like my grandpa! Stop it, it's gross!" Tendou darted his tongue out in a mocking way.

Semi gasped, instantly glaring at Tendou. "Take that back you fucking jerk!" He moved to get a hold on Tendou's collar.

"Bwehh!" Tendou continued mocking him.

"You're so childish!" Semi tugged on both of his cheeks. "At least have the balls to actually tell Wakatoshi what you feel!"

"No way!" Tendou spoke while his cheeks were being crushed slowly.

"Graduation day is near!" Semi pulled his hands away before letting Tendou fall back on his bed. "Say something to him!"

"As if!" Tendou just held up his arm and made an obscene gesture with his fingers. "Plus, I know Wakatoshi-kun doesn't like me like that. I don't want to ruin _what we already have_ _right now_."

"How would you know he doesn't like you when you aren't even saying anything to him?! Wakatoshi is a simplistic person, if you want him to know what you feel, you have to be forward with him!" Semi slapped his arm.

"Or you know, maybe I should really consider your suggestion," Tendou said. "I mean, yeah, I can be a model and Wakatoshi-kun might somehow ended up reading our magazines or articles, but there's also a chance that he might actually not interested in me ya' know."

Semi frowned. "What makes you say that?? In my eyes, you two are the right one for each other! And I surely hope Wakatoshi doesn't end up with anyone else but you! It would irritate me!" He said, rather protectively.

"Wow," Tendou spoke fruitily. "That's like the nicest thing you have ever said to me, Semisemi."

"And stop calling me that!" Semi gritted his teeth. "What the fuck is a Semisemi??"

Tendou laughed at him.

"Also, what exactly are you planning?" Semi asked, eyes turning serious. "Cause like I said, I want you to _at least_ try making him look your way this time. That's the reason why I suggested this job for you! And I'm being genuine about it, I want you two to be together." _Why can't you be more honest?_ Was definitely unsaid.

"Maybe, I don't know, this is just a maybe...but maybe I should try dating other people." Tendou spoke, voice softened.

"Tendou, that's like the worst decision ever!" Semi told him. "You're just gonna give up on him like that??"

Tendou sighed, "I mean, what can I do about it? I'm just a coward, and Wakatoshi-kun is very precious to me. I don't want to lose him just because of this stupid feeling of mine."

"Tendou.." Semi knitted his eyebrows, staring at his friend with full concern.

"He's too important, Eita. And you know it."

* * *

Graduation day was sad yet somehow cheerful. Many tears were shed, even the somewhat cold hearted, assertive Shirabu had shed his tears for them (and this time, those tears had a sincere smile with it). Teachers congratulated every 3rd year students for doing their best and getting accepted into each of their chosen universities.

And even though Tendou felt quite lightheaded and lukewarm due to the tears, even when his lungs were burning like crazy. It was alright, everything would be alright. Because his heart would be one with his soul again. And this time he would be strong, he would not cry for the warm, stoic, kind hearted raven guy.

This time would be their final hug.

_This was their goodbye._


	4. Chapter 4

From SemiSemi:

**_Tendou, are you coming or not?_ **

To SemiSemi:

_**I have to finish my photo shoot before I can go** _

_**It's not my fault that I'm so busy okay agjsks** _

From SemiSemi:

_**Hurry up! Everyone is here!** _

To SemiSemi:

_**Already?! Even Taichi?!** _

From SemiSemi:

_**Yes! Even Kawanishi!** _

_**We're still waiting for you and Wakatoshi!** _

To SemiSemi:

_**Wakatoshi?** _

From SemiSemi:

_**He just finished his practice and on his way here** _

_**So hurry up!** _

To SemiSemi:

**_Geez, alright alright!_ **

* * *

At the end, Tendou grew up to be someone his fatherwas and wasn't at the same time. It's a complex thing to paint out. Tendou didn't live like the way his father had wanted him to live; rebellious boy, turning into a dazzling hazard.

Living in a nice, sweet lavish life; without having to worry about anything more than himself. He was being pampered to the core. Despite how cold the world always seemed toward him when he was young, his parents were always been there. His father was one of the most reputable figures in the fashion industry and his mother was a famous ice skater, winning a total seven of gold medals in the olympics, though she had retired from it to become an acting coach in a renowned academy.

Sometimes when he heard that word, that title 'Coach', there were times when he started reminiscing about volleyball— _Shiratorizawa_. That place was more than just a name, it was more than just a prestigious school. It was Tendou's memory. Time had passed rather quickly, and still, even to this day—Tendou wouldn't forget who he was, ' _The Guess Monster'_. It was an alias, a label; when he had played for his team. For Shiratorizawa. Volleyball once was his everything. Going to the nationals, having to do trainings, his teammates, and of course, the one and only Ushijima Wakatoshi. They were all his everything.

But his father had asked him to follow his footsteps, and he kept insisting that Tendo should major in Economics; telling the red head that he needed to study on how society, businesses, organizations and individuals produce, exchange, buy and sell goods and services. And honestly, maybe it wasn't so bad. Rather than working under him, Tendou could finally take over the company (call him selfish or whatever, either way he'd still be rich).

Well, yes, that was the plan—until Semi decided to come along and drag Tendou to work with him in the industry.

The two never had financial problems. And it's not like they were both the type of people who would love to waste money on useless stuff either.

And Tendou thought about it. More than just a few times.

The modeling offer that he got, the blunt 'Let's do it!' from Semi, and the bold 'Are you sure? Don't you want to focus on your school more?' from his father; who was actually finding this whole situation amusing.

And Tendou would always retorted back with a 'I don't know!', which then Semi would follow up with saying stuff like 'Why not?' or 'It'll be fun!', and his father being his father, only nodding his head in an understanding manner—telling Tendou that he shouldn't rush in making his own decisions.

Tendou thought about it, he was taking his sweet time.

At the university, he became unexpectedly famous. Flirtatious, bright, funny, handsome, cheerful, witty, and obnoxious. He's also pretty popular around the professors there, sometimes he helped them bringing the materials they planned to teach in their next classes. And he might not look like it, but he's pretty serious and content with his studies. Always sitting at the front, writing and checking his notes. Making sure he wouldn't fall behind and continued staying in the top 10.

And not just him, Semi was just as popular; everyone adored him. When the two walked together, people would flock around them. Some envied them. Some gossiped about them, gushing and giggling over their names. And sometimes, Tendou liked to work them up, grinning and flirting back at their direction. Teasing them. It was all for fun and giggles.

And as Tendou continued thinking about it, something flashed in the back of his mind; some mumming—that might had told him, giving him a sign—that maybe, maybe this wouldn't be too bad. After all, what more could he ever asked? Tendou could just think of this as a thank you or gratitude to his dearest father who had spoiled him in all those years.

And so he did, he joined Semi, working under the name of his father's agency.

What he hadn't expected was the fact that this job, this field—for its lack of better term—it's wildfire.

It came with generosity, it came with the bad shit. And it had given Tendou whiplash. It came with a lot of ambition, passion, and the troublesome stuff. He got free clothes, free shoes, free ties, free meals, free drinks. Everything seemed way to easy to get a hold on to.

The first time he finished a photo shoot, Semi was there waiting for him—he asked "So how was it?" with a tranquil look. It was obvious that he had anticipated something, he was looking for the right answer from Tendou.

But Tendou only answered him with a "That's it? That's all I have to do?", which then earned him a delightful laugh that was slipping out of Semi's mouth.

"It's nice, right? All you have to do is maintaining the perfect posture so you can get the best shot." Semi smiled in glee. "I told you, you got nothing to worry about."

But Tendou wasn't worried about anything. This was, after all, his own father’s company; no one would dare say anything bad to him unless they wanted to get fired.

"Plus, you get a good amount of money just for doing this." Semi continued. "You can get a penthouse or a nice, cozy apartment less than five months if you continue doing a good job!"

_And damn, he wasn't lying._

Now Tendou was twenty-one years old, had been working his ass off as a model for more than a year. And he already got everything that he wanted. The money, the car, a glorious-looking apartment. Everything was good.

The contract even granted him to work overseas; Russia, France, Italy, Hong Kong. It had been his dream to travel around the world. Modeling aside, Tendou actually loved to snap, taking many memorable photographs, as much as he could. Sometimes he worked outside of the country with Semi, sometimes he was alone. They even got enrolled into some foreign language classes. His father liked to test him for several times; by speaking in French, or Dutch, or Russian—anything that Tendou was learning.

There was another thing though, another thing that Tendou wasn't warned about. In all honesty, even when he already kinda expected it, Tendou didn't know it would be _that bad_.

Apparently modeling also came with sex. A lot of sex. A lot of people came united in a runway just to have sex—like the after party, everyone would laugh; feeling joy with one and another as they drank the glass of their favorite drinks. And as they continued talking, the conversation would turn more dirty, more sexual; with desire within them. There were many times when he had watched Semi making out with some random girl, the guy was unfazed though; always entertaining and giving what the other person want.

And Tendou was okay, he was alright when it came to making out, he already had a couple of girls— _even guys_ , slipping to sit down on his lap under the gleaming lights. Some were older than him, some were younger. They were all models, using the make up, the dress up. Most of them tried to seduce him into doing more than just kissing and embracing one and another, but of course; there would be times when Tendou just wasn't into it. When that happened, he would push the other person away. Plopping them at the empty side of the couch, telling them that Tendou was 'busy'. And Semi would always end up clapping his hands at him with amusement all over his face.

Yet still, they always worked hard—until Tendou finally said no, until he glared. They kissed him like a man, touched him like he was their own lover. They were all the same. Those white lies they kept murmuring against his ear, and the way their lips always brushed against the shell of his earlobe. They were playing a game.

It all felt so _sententious_.

And Tendou tried, he tried going on dates—having relationship. But nothing had worked for him. Compared to _his first love_ , they were all nothing; they felt like _nothing_. They didn't make Tendou feel the same way, they didn't make Tendou smile the same way. At the end, most of those relationships were just for show. Nothing special about it. Kisses, cuddles, dates, hand-holding, sex. It had been thrilling, it had been fun and sweet. But that's all there is to it.

Tendou huffed after getting out of his car. His eyes narrowed when he noticed some people stared at his direction, he even heard a clicking sound at the background, Tendou chuckled under his breath as he started contemplating whether to pose nicely for them or not.

"Well, I guess I better get going now," He mumbled, corners of his lips curling upwardly. Tendou had a feeling that if he didn't show up then; Semi might actually kill him.

* * *

"Tendou, it's been a while."

And fuck, he was falling all over again.

Ushijima Wakatoshi, age twenty-one, how to describe him? An ethereal statue would come to mind. The man looked monumental, intelligent eyes that were transfixed at Tendou's direction. Maybe it's the way he's put together, maybe it's his expression, or maybe it's just the expensive clothes—in any case, there is something more appealing about this _Wakatoshi_. He looked persevering, in a more mature way. There is an endearing style, a great sense of high voltage surround him.

He was attractive as hell.

Like a flicking ambush, Tendou took a moment to breathe. Eyes glinting with curiosity and excitement.

"Wakatoshi-kun! I missed you!" He said with a grin, sliding himself to take a seat beside Ushijima.

So what if he still had feelings toward Ushijima? They weren't teenage boys anymore. They had grown and matured for the better. And at the end, Ushijima was still one of his good friends.

Just when the latter about to open his mouth again, a loud crash was heard in the background.

"Shirabu-san! Stop it! You're drunk!"

Tendou popped his head to the side, trying to understand what was the commotion about. Shirabu had pushed Goshiki on the ground; climbing on top the younger's body, and it seemed Goshiki was trying his best to struggle away. Oh yeah. How can Tendou forgot about those two? Honestly, who would have thought that Shirabu actually listened to Tendou's _words of advice_? If it weren't because of that, the two probably wouldn't be a couple by then.

"Tsutomu, shut up and let me kiss you!" Shirabu spoke breathily.

"Semi-san, you better get back here! Shirabu is trying to have sex with Goshiki in the living room!" Kawanishi snitched, running throughout the back hallway.

Yamagata was laughing his ass off, hitting the back of Reon's head a few times, though it seemed that the latter was already too far gone in his dreamland.

"Yamagata-senpai! Help me!" Goshiki pushed his head back, looking at the said male upside-down.

Tendou chuckled, leering his gaze back at Ushijima. The former tugged his lips, eyes full of interest as he watched Ushijima's cheeks turning into a shade of red.

"Aren't you gonna help him, Toshi?"

Ushijima turned his head to look at Tendou, his face looked tense, a bit hardened. And it made Tendou's eyes blink in realization; the man was timid, he even looked skittish—eyes gazing elsewhere, tapping his thumb and index fingers harmoniously against the table. Ushijima probably felt a bit awkward, he wasn't used to it.

And it made Tendou laugh, his hand covering his eyes, feeling amused at the situation.

"Why—" Ushijima cleared his throat, voice low and a bit croaky. "Why are you laughing?"

"Oh, Wakatoshi-kun," Tendou snorted. "You're just too cute."

Ushijima turned his head around, looking flustered. And maybe, just maybe—Tendou had taken a liking to this. He was twenty-one now, there's nothing he needed to be shy about. He was okay, everything's going to be okay.

He had flirted a bunch of times already, he just needed to play his cards right.

It had always been entertaining to see Ushijima flustered, full of bewilderment.

Semi was yelling at the background, kicking and pushing Shirabu until he rolled back. Goshiki was holding on Semi's leg, cheeks red and puffed. Shirabu glared at him for a moment before being picked up by Kawanishi. Yamagata was laughing so hard that he ended up kicking the table, earning him a growl from Semi who was still busy trying to calm Goshiki.

It was a mess. An utter mess.

And it was really loud, loud enough to cover the sounds of Tendou's uneven heartbeats.

* * *

_Tendou met Ushijima Wakatoshi in the first year of their high school._

_Shiratorizawa wasn't just any type of school you can easily get in. And his parents had been planning to enroll him to an adequate school, the one that had met their standards. But Tendou refused to accept that type of thing; he wanted to choose for himself. A school that would meet his own standards._

_And so he did, he decided to enroll to Shiratorizawa. One of the renowned schools in the area, a powerhouse school. He wondered how it felt like._

_When he was entering Shiratorizawa, Tendou met a few familiar faces from his Junior High. Alas, as expected—the mumbo jumbo, the jibber jabber, they babbled as if they were superior compared to him. Tendou's eyes narrowed, peering at the voices; "Hey, what is that monster doing here?" it was nothing unusual. They used the same word, same phrase. Tendou sneered at their direction for a moment as he walked inside his classroom._

_New people had come approaching him. Greetings turned into an exchange of words, they all talked so care-freely; laughing with one and another. Of course there were some people who didn't like his presence, telling him that he was weird, wild; something along those lines. But he was used to that type of verbal shit. So it's fine—he started not caring since a longtime ago anyway._

_While the class was busy with their new life, there was one person who was too occupied in his own world to notice his surroundings. He was Ushijima Wakatoshi. Sharp, graceful gaze staring onto the pages of his book. He read in a steady position, as if there was a ruler on his spine. The male looked elegant and dignified among the students; who were eager finding new friends in their new environment._

_"Hey you, what's your name?"_

_Tendou decided to approach him one day._

_Ushijima turned to look his way, face stoic as ever—it felt like Tendou was looking at a rock. His brow furrowed, the sudden pressure and curiosity in the red head's voice had caused him to pause._

_"I'm Ushijima Wakatoshi." He spoke monotonously._

_Tendou gave him a broad smile. "Nice to meet you too, Wakatoshi-kun! I'm Tendou Satori."_

* * *

Tendou found his head throbbing like crazy, and thank god that at least he knew where he was. Groaning, heavy eyes opened slightly; staring into thin air.

_Fuck, why is the room smelling like sex–_

Tendou jolted his eyes, looking scandalized. His body stumbled forward, nearly slipping down. He stood up, ranging his hair to side; removing those that were being a hindrance to his vision.

_Wakatoshi._

Ushijima Wakatoshi was lying on his bed.

_What the fuck happened?!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention to the new tags asfjkdsf

**[ A few hours ago. ]**

This was not supposed to happen. This was a bad idea.

The alcohol had drowned their sense of mind. Tendou was thankful enough that at least he could go home without crashing into anything. But Ushijima was no better, he kept drinking one glass after another. At the end, Tendou decided to bring Ushijima along with him, mayhap letting him crash on his place for the night (since the guy was even more wasted than him).

What he didn't expect was; the moment they both stepped into Tendou's apartment—he was being pulled into an embrace. Ushijima was staggering and wobbly, wrapping his hands around Tendou's neck. Of course the red head never expected that to happen (he didn't know that a drunk Wakatoshi was a clingy Wakatoshi), it took Tendou a full minute to finally move; balancing them together so they both wouldn't fall over.

They both tumbled onto Tendou's bed together in a tangled mess and pressure. He accidentally shoved Ushijima against the headboard, earning him a grunt from the raven. Tendou didn't even realize what he was actually doing until he felt the back of his palm touching against Ushijima's neck.

Ushijima leaned forward, and Tendou stared at him—feeling the warm breaths trying to surpass his lips. Ushijima cupped Tendou's cheeks, caressing the fine, chastening surface. _They both were too drunk_. Soft, plump lips crashing into thin ones. Ushijima was kissing him like he's something precious, tender and composing.

It was almost like nothing. Ushijima's kiss felt delicate and benevolent. And it took every fragments of Tendou's whole being not to gasp in shock, because he couldn't believe of how affected he was by this, his mind still trying to register what was happening. But his body already felt the tension of electricity running through them.

Tendou carefully pulled away, face already heated enough due to the alcohol. Ushijima's keen gaze was piercing right through him. Tendou had pinned Ushijima in between him and the headboard, his wrist touched Ushijima's ear.

"...was that alright?"

Ushijima's voice sounded like a whisper, weak and low.And Tendou leaned in this time, unifying both of their lips for the second time. A little harder, a little fiercer. Tendou kissed him like he was trying to engage himself on a war. He kissed Ushijima using his own style, like the way he always liked it, tender but firm. He took over control, deepening the kiss a little more. Tendou dared himself to nip against Ushijima's bottom lip, asking for permission.

The latter groaned, parting his lips a bit breathlessly. Tendou took no time to slip his tongue inside, intruding the warm cavern. He could feel Ushijima's body went rigid, his hands tugging against Tendou's shoulders. Salivas became one as Tendou continued licking, lining up the inside of Ushijima's mouth. It felt sweet, hot, and delightful.

They slotted together in a burning, forceful way. Ushijima's breaths were hitching. He was so focused to breathe that he nearly stopped responding to the kiss. Tendou was practically trying to consume him alive. Teeth started grazing on his lips, and Ushijima took that moment to push Tendou away—blocking the red hair's mouth from touching against his.

Tendou blinked his eyes for a moment before he chuckled. "What's the matter, Wakatoshi-kun?"

_What the fuck are you doing, Satori?_ His inner monologue spoke out. But Tendou was too drunk, he didn't want this to stop.

"You're too good at this." Ushijima breathed out, his cheek rubbing against Tendou's arm. "What are you planning to do, Tendou?"

Tendou felt his chest tightening in an uncomfortable way. The fact that those words came out of Ushijima's mouth, the way he phrased it; sounded a bit crude and shallow. Was it because he's drunk? The rosy tinted cheeks were hard to miss as he longingly stared at Tendou with his imploring eyes.

_Fuck. They were really drunk._

Tendou flashed a mischievous look, he wanted to play for a little bit. "I'm not sure, Wakatoshi-kun. You tell me, what do you want?" He spoke in a silvery voice, Tendou shifted himself forward; his knee touching Ushijima's groin.

The raven gasped, head bumping against the headboard behind him. And that made Tendou blinked his eyes in interest, it nearly felt like he was trying to cage the man.

"Is this how you're planning to comfort me?" The raven prompted hoarsely. Sharp, impassive eyes were flicking open as Tendou having a hard time not to lose control.

"Hmm? I'm not sure I understand that," Tendou cooed, his other palm started to reach over Ushijima's feature.

"You asked me," There was a pause. Ushijima took that moment to catch Tendou's hand from touching his face. "What do I want." It sounded more like a statement this time.

"Well, what do you want?"

"I already said the word," Ushijima let out a breath. "I want you to comfort me."

That made Tendou's eyes flinched wide—he stared upon Ushijima's face. The way those words rolled out waaay too easily just convinced him that they were both super drunk. Tendou didn't get it; whether was it the influence of alcohol or was that an actual, honest confession—the fact that Ushijima said that, could _probably_ only mean one thing, right? The man had a problem, _and if that’s really the case_ , it definitely wouldn't sit well for Tendou if he continued–

"Tendou, you're overthinking again." Ushijima held on the red head’s chin, lifting it slightly to give it a little push. "Is there something wrong?" He asked ever so kindly.

Tendou shook his head, "Why do you want me to comfort you?" _Why the fuck are they having this type of conversation in a drunken state??_

"Ah," Ushijima fluttered his eyes in realization. "Were you worried about me? I'm sorry, I mayhap used the wrong words to convey the things I want to say." He cupped Tendou's cheeks for the second time that night. "You're a good person, Tendou. I appreciate your concern about my wellbeing. But no, the reason I said those words wasn't because I'm having a problem at the moment, I can assure you it has nothing to do with that. I just...I hope I can spend more time with you."

Tendou's cheeks flared into a vibrant, saturated red that perfectly matched the garish hue of his own hair. _Note to self, apparently Wakatoshi can be extremely talkative when he's drunk._

"What about you?" Ushijima parted his lips, forming a thin line. "What do you want, Tendou?" His eyes were timid, gaze wondered at anywhere but Tendou's irises. _It's cute, it's fucking cute._

_Can I kiss you again?_

"Yes." Ushijima spoke above a whisper.

Tendou didn't realize he was speaking his mind out loud, and his heart ached for a moment after hearing the unexpected response. Ushijima didn't _look_ like he's planning to break free from the cage that was trying to hold him down.

And then Tendou was leaning in again, pressing their lips together again, a little more firm, a little more like he meant it. Tendou cupped Ushijima's chin between his thumb and forefinger.His other hand making its way to massage on Ushijima's bicep, telling him to loosen up. The raven seemed more relaxed when _he_ was the one initiated the kiss, and Tendou couldn't lie to himself. Maybe he liked this side of Ushijima too. "It's okay, relax." Tendou murmured against his lips.

It seemed to work a fraction as Ushijima's posture loosened up. His mouth relaxing, and Tendou could feel it. Ushijima was moving his lips a little more, and they were so soft and warm. Tendou's pulse was roaring in his own ears, he felt his heart about to burst, something was flicking inside him; it felt hot and flaring, they were burning so intensely within his body. Tendou tilted his head, licking ever so slightly against the corner of Ushijima's lips—pursing the raven's bottom lip between his teeth.

"Is this all that you want from me, Wakatoshi?" Tendou managed, staring at the said male's swollen lip.

Ushijima chuckled softly, his fingers sweeping on Tendou's bangs. "Isn't that supposed to be my question? You look like you want to prolong something, like you can't get enough of it. It's endearing in a way, but I won't understand what you want if you don't tell me using your words."

_I want you. I want you to be happy. I want you to be with me. I want you to be mine— **only mine.**_

"Wakatoshi-kun," Tendou stated, voice dangerously low. "There are a lot of things that I want." _from you._

"I know." Ushijima prompted, gripping into the collar of Tendou's shirt, dragging him closer. A groan eased its way out of Tendou's throat, his hips yanked forward, unsealing a excruciating voice out of his mouth when their groins met.

The sudden friction made Tendou swallowing hard on his own saliva. He didn't miss the way Ushijima's body went rigid for a moment as the man quickly let out a delightful laugh.

"Do you prefer to do this with our clothes on?" Ushijima asked, and Tendou never recalled the time when his friend could be this flirtatious.

"Of course not, who do you think I am?" Tendou muttered playfully.

* * *

Tendou smiled wickedly as the first swipe of his digit, wet and slick with lube, punctured into Ushijima's entrance. Rigid finger pressing firmly against his heat as Ushijima flinched, a foreign sensation overwhelmed his body. The raven gritted his teeth, eyes fluttering shut.

"It's okay, I'll make you feel good." Tendou spoke in a smoky voice, earning him a low unstrained cry from Ushijima. Tendou traced his finger around Ushijima's rim, his body twitched ever so slightly as he nudged his head against the pillow. Tendou took his time to plunge another digit inside him, the red head could already taste the sweet victory when he noticed Ushijima's body trembling underneath him. That made Tendou chuckled with delight.

"Ah, it's uncomfortable." Ushijima managed, breaths were heavy as ever.

"Wakatoshi-kun, you're making it too obvious that this is your first time bottoming." Tendou husked in amusement.

"Would you prefer me topping instead?" Ushijima asked, his voice sounded like he was trying to tease him.

"No, it's okay," Tendou leaned in his face. "You look better like this." He licked his lips, staring at the man below him. Tendou dragged another digit inside him, feeling the throbbing, tightening heat around his fingers. Ushijima's breath hitched for a moment, before he let out a pained groan. Tendou slotted his fingers, slicking and prepping Ushijima's rim.

"I think this is enough," Ushijima murmured, voice heavy with desperation.

Tendou blew a whistle. "Didn't really peg you as the impatient type, Wakatoshi-kun~" He teased, pulling out his fingers carefully.

"No–" Ushijima suddenly hiccoughed, eyes leering at anywhere else but Tendou. "I just want to feel you."

Those words had successfully sent Tendou over the edge, his shaft jolted in excitement—he was extremely hard now. Did this man even know what effect he had on Tendou? His heart was aching in a uncomfortable way, like he was about to suffocate to death.

Eyes turning solemn, his lips curved into a crooked smile. Tendou reached over the bottle of lube on his nightstand, smearing it all over his member before he threw the bottle away as soon as he capped it. Tendou shifted, positioning himself in between Ushijima's legs. The latter whimpered lowly as Tendou quickly pushed himself into his entrance in one go.

It felt tense, but exciting. No matter how much lubricant Tendou had placed inside him, Ushijima was still impossibly tight. Tendou let out a guttural voice, gripping against Ushijima's hips as he tried to use more force to push his length deep inside of him. Ushijima eased out a croaky groan, head slamming deep against the pillow.

Without warning, Tendou dug his teeth onto the pulse at the crook of Ushijima's shoulder and neck. The latter yelped lowly in response, his hips jerked. Tendou licked the tender spot there to murmur, "You're so tight."

Tendou pressed an open-mouthed kiss right below Ushijima's ear, licking and teasing the soft, tender skin as he thrusted with more vigor. Letting Ushijima adjusted to the pace as the raven kept trying to bite back the voices that were trying to surpass his lips. Tendou saw the way Ushijima's eyes sharpened, throwing a trenchant look at the red head.

Tendou returned him with a devilish expression, he thrusted in faster and deeper, while his hand was working its way to palm and brush against Ushijima's hardened member, pressing the bead of precum on the steadied length, making the head wet and glisten. A hot pleasure coiled in Ushijima's abdomen as he drowned his voice into the pillow.

_How cute_ , Tendou thought.

The corner of his lips curved into a smirk, Tendou snatched Ushijima's chin and slamming their mouths together into a bruising kiss. Ushijima moaned between their lips as he felt Tendou's other hand tugging sharply on the strands of his hair, the red head let out a heavy groan as he felt Ushijima's teeth clinging on his bottom lip.

Tendou moved his hand to grip onto Ushijima's thigh, lifting it slightly as he tried to shove his member harder. He huffed heavily as he continued thrusting back and forth, adjusting the pace one more time. Ushijima finally let out a loud, wanton moan as Tendou licked his own swollen lip, before he captured Ushijima's neck—piercing, biting, and licking—leaving and trailing several marks there. Without pausing, he sucked on the post-bite spots.

"Tendou–"

"Don't move, Wakatoshi-kun."

Tendou demanded in a low warning voice; right below his ear.

Ushijima groaned with a mix of pain and pleasure as the red head continued adjusting his movements in a brutal pace. He thrusted deeper and faster into the abused heat. Beneath him Ushijima's breathing was starting to be a ragged mess.

Then Tendou bit down on Ushijima's shoulder, drawing blood and fervour spread from the spot. Tendou could feel Ushijima's body jolted in discomfort beneath him as the red head licked his lips, tasting the metallic flavor on his tongue. His hips moved erratically as he pumped more and more, feeling the vise-like grip from Ushijima started clawing hard against his nape.

Tendou could feel the muscles clenching hard around his shaft, squeezing him tighter and tighter. Tendou let out a deep growl as he rocked forward, pressing deep and releasing into the warmth heat. Ushijima whimpered underneath him, and Tendou took a look to wipe the tears out of Ushijima's eyes.

* * *

**[ Present time. ]**

Tendou sat on the edge of his bed, pressing his hands together against his forehead. _How did that even happen?!_ He let out a heavy breath.

" _Oh my god,_ "

Tendou could already feel Semi's mouth agape on the other side of the phone.

" _So you fucked him—hard,_ "

Tendou sighed, nearly slamming his phone to the other side of the room.

"Is that something you really have to point out after I told you everything that happened?!" He yelled.

Semi laughed aloud over the phone, " _It's just– This is just too good to be true, you know. After more than three years you have pined over him, you two finally hooked up._ "

Tendou flushed at the words. "Eita, we were drunk!"

" _But hey, at least you still remember what you did,_ " A pause. " _What about Wakatoshi? What if he doesn't remember anything from last night?_ "

Tendou sighed. "I mean, what can I do? He was under the influence of alcohol," _It wasn't his fault._ "We're in the same boat you know. I just– I hope I wasn't being too rough on him last night."

" _You're an idiot, you know that?_ " Semi snickered.

And for once, Tendou could actually agree.

"As for now, I'll try to talk and take care of Wakatoshi-kun." Tendou said.

" _Of course you will! I'm gonna kill you if you don't take responsibility for this! Hurt him and I'm gonna bury you alive, Tendou Satori!_ " Semi spoke protectively.

Tendou felt a chill against his spine. "Yes, sir. You don't need to tell me twice!"

And just like that, Tendou finally hung up on his phone. Beside him, Ushijima was sleeping as peacefully as ever, Tendou leered his eyes to finally watch over him. Ushijima's eyelashes swaying ever so slightly as he breathed rhythmically. Tendou tilted his head, watching at the way Ushijima's lips parted into a thin line. The red head chuckled, he was undecided whether to wake him up or not.

"Hey, Wakatoshi-kun." Tendou prompted, his fingers brushing over Ushijima's cheek. Earning him a scowl from the latter, Ushijima rolled his head; lips touching against Tendou's knuckles.

When he was about to pull back, Ushijima instantly gripped on his hand. Tendou lifted his eyebrow, the corners of his lips curved upwardly.

"Good morning," Ushijima said, voice crisp and raspy. Heavy-lidded eyes staring at Tendou, exposing his bite marks and rosy tinted cheeks. He groaned lowly as he started to feel the throbbing pain on his head.

Tendou grabbed a glass of water for him. "Here, drink this."

Ushijima nodded, slowly gulping down on the glass in one go. "Ah, did I drink too much last night?" He spoke gravelly. Tendou snickered, setting the glass aside.

"Don't you remember what we did?" Tendou asked with a mischievous smile despite how nervous he actually was.

Tendou saw the way Ushijima's cheeks reddening, _he did remember_. His eyes were downcast as his lips turned into a frown, and suddenly, Tendou could feel himself feeling the same heat overflowing on his cheeks.

"Ah, I didn't mean–"

"I apologize, it was my fault." Ushijima turned to look at Tendou, his face was stoic again. "I should've taken a better care of myself. I didn't mean to put you in this type of circumstance. I truly am sorry." He continued, bowing his head ever so slightly.

"No, no," Tendou shook his hands in a comically way. "It wasn't your fault, it was mine! I should've had a better control over myself, I'm sorry Wakatoshi-kun! I hope I didn't hurt you last night!" He clapped his hands together over his forehead, like he was trying to ask for forgiveness (because he was).

Ushijima cleared his throat. "I...didn't regret it." He mumbled.

"Huh?" Tendou wasn't listening to him.

"Do you not like me?" Ushijima suddenly questioned, brows knitted together as he stared at Tendou with earnest.

The red head's cheeks were heating too much, his chest tightened in an uncomfortable way. _What do you mean I don't like you? Wakatoshi-kun, aren't you being too cruel?_

"I do. I like you." _Ever since we were in high school._

"Then it's fine," Ushijima stated, above a whisper. "After all, I didn't dislike it either." He turned his gaze elsewhere. Tendou guessed he was just as embarrassed as him. "Doing it with you I mean."

_But do you like me?_

"Wakatoshi-kun, do you like me?" Tendou dared himself to finally ask.

Ushijima nodded, eyes weren't wavering. "I like you."

"Really?" Tendou whispered, a bit worried that Ushijima might not hear him.

"I have liked you..." Ushijima grabbed a pillow due to the embarrassment, pressing his face hard against the soft fabric. "For a long time." He mumbled, hiding a fond smile.

Tendou nearly choked on his own spit.

_Shit._

_He really was an idiot after all._


End file.
